


Valentine Clowns

by Snarky_SilverHaired_Sociopath



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Blow Jobs, Bondage, Cunnilingus, F/M, Gun Kink, Handcuffs, Improvised Sex Toys, Light Bondage, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:06:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22703665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snarky_SilverHaired_Sociopath/pseuds/Snarky_SilverHaired_Sociopath
Summary: After returning to the Joker once again, Harley looks forward to a magical night with her Puddin' once again.
Relationships: Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel
Comments: 5
Kudos: 37





	Valentine Clowns

**Author's Note:**

  * For [allycat24](https://archiveofourown.org/users/allycat24/gifts).



> A little Valentine's gift for my gf. Love you, honey!

The Joker was busy compiling the supplies for his next escapade, looking to terrorize Gotham with his latest joke.

One of his henchmen, carrying a canister of chemicals, asked him, "I know you're the boss, but is all this stuff necessary?"

Ignoring the suicidal question, the Joker replied, "Of course, it's necessary! And to think that you peabrains couldn't see the genius behind my work is honestly expected! Just do what you're told and carry the supplies."

He rubbed his temples as he turned away from his ever-frustrating subordinates. _And they wonder why I kill them_ , he thought. _Well, that and when it's funny._

"MISTAH JAAAAAAAAY!" The screech rang throughout the base as he looked around for the source.

He saw Harley in her red nighty and full makeup looking down at him from a catwalk. "Harley, I told you I'd be up there soon. You can't rush these things."

"But ya promised! I've been waitin' for an hour!"

"Knowing you, I'm sure you haven't dried up yet," he said as an aside.

Harley huffed and crossed her arms with a pout.

The Joker rolled his eyes. "Just give me five minutes. You can wait that long, right?"

Harley sighed. "Fine," she replied before storming off.

Of all the times to start working, he chose Valentine's Day of all days. She was already worked up and she tried to be patient. Even trying to keep from rubbing it out beforehand – quite a difficult feat since she had recently returned to him. She had needs and she wouldn't deny that.

* * *

After the wait, the Joker finally entered their bedroom with his classic smile on his face. "I told you I'd be here," he said.

He barely had time to finish the sentence before Harley was all over him, kissing his face. "'Bout time!"

"Were you really that starved for attention?"

"Well, I got myself all dolled up for ya on Valentine's Day, and I've just been waitin' here for you ta get done with ya work. Whaddaya think?"

He picked her up and tossed her on the bed. "In that case, I'll be sure to make up for the lost time."

His lips pressed against her neck as his hand traveled lower to her dampened panties, gently teasing her as his warm breath brushed against her skin.

He squeezed on of her breasts and she writhed with pleasure. His tongue dragged along her jawline, leaving a trail of goosebumps along her neck.

"I'm so glad we got to do this…"

"Why wouldn't we?" he replied as he pulled down one of the straps of her nighty. "After you left for so long, I'd need to provide a proper welcome back."

As he exposed her left breast, his tongue traveled down to her nipple, circling around it.

Harley replied between moans, "And I couldn't think of a better day than this."

"Well, what better way to spend Valentine's Day than with the world's greatest lover?"

She giggled at the comment. "Hard to argue with that."

The Joker kept sucking on her nipple while his fingers slipped into her panties, grazing her slick folds directly. Her nipples hardened as she gripped the sheets.

His fingers grazed her thighs as she writhed with anticipation. He lowered himself to her crotch and began leaving kisses along her inner thighs.

It wasn't long until he pulled down her lace panties and spread her legs, going to work probing her folds with her tongue. "Oh, fuck!" she moaned, holding his head closer between her legs. She fondled her breasts as her breath became shallow.

As his fingers reached further inside her, his tongue circled her clit, listening to her volume raising. The Joker hit her G-spot and Harley yelped out as she gripped the colorful sheets. Her thighs wrapped around him, but he pushed them away from him, keeping them separated.

"Fuck, Mistah J!"

She bit her lip as he grabbed a handful of her ass, his tongue and fingers still probing inside her. Her inner walls moistened more than they already had.

It wasn't long until she was brought to the brink of orgasm. The first of many that night.

"Holy shit," she moaned, "you're still so great at that."

"I can't say that I've lost my touch."

While he was eating her out, she reached from under her pillow to grab something. The Joker was still occupied when he heard the farting sound from up above. He stopped and looked up and saw Harley holding the whoopee cushion in her hands with a longing glint in her eye.

"Didn't think that the night would be complete without it," she said, "so I took it outta the toy box early."

The Joker chuckled. "Quite the eager beaver, aren't you?" he said as he took the cushion from her.

He aligned the nozzle of it with her slit, positing it just right for best effect. He compressed the balloon as the nozzle tickled her labia.

She finally slipped the nighty off, leaving herself completely exposed. He left a trail of soft kisses along her belly as he kept blowing the whoopee cushion.

She was already worked up by that point and it didn't take long to get her off at this point. Though, it helped that he rubbed her clit when he could tell she was on the edge.

Once he did that, Harley even squirted as she came. The Joker leaned over and lapped up some of the fluids.

Harley picked up her head, still trying to catch her breath. "That never gets old," she said.

"And now," he replied, "for the main course." The Joker approached the toybox again and brought out a couple of pairs of handcuffs (many of which they took from their arrests over the years). The anticipation was killing her. (Metaphorically rather than literally as usual.) He pulled her hands behind her back and slapped one pair on with a loud click.

While he had her cuffed on the bed, he dropped his pants and letting his cock pop out like a jack-in-the-box.

Harley licked her lips as he saw the throbbing member. "I guess I'm not the only one who was excited about this."

Her lips started out on the head, tenderly sucking as his hands found their way to the horns on her jester hood. Without warning, the Joker thrust his cock down her throat, fucking her face, listening to her gagging on his member.

He pulled out his spit-coated erection and circled around the bed to take her from behind. He slipped inside her and she had goosebumps as his erection slid against her inner walls. As he pushed deeper, his nails dug into the skin of her ass. He pounded into her as he groaned further. He wasn't always in the mood for this, but he really got into it once he got going.

Harley's moans grew louder as he thrust harder. He leaned over, pressing his chest against her back and pushing deeper into her with each thrust. She shivered when he heard his moaning in her ear.

"Fuck yeah, Mistah J…"

The Joker shoved her head onto the sheets and some makeup smeared onto the sheets. Her breasts bounced as he fucked her harder and he squeezed one of them hard enough to get a yelp out of her.

He pulled her back to the edge of the bed so he could bend her over it. As he entered her again, he pulled on the chain of the cuffs so that her torso was pulled off the bed by her arms.

"Harder, Daddy!" she squealed. An order that he would not hesitate to follow for her.

She felt the heat from her core as she was about to come again. As she did, the orgasm ripped through her as her walls clamped down on him. This pushed the Joker over the edge as well as he shot his hot load. She practically melted as she heard him unloading into her.

"Holy shit," she breathed, "that was a lot."

He pulled his now soft cock out of her and watched the cum drip out of her. "There's still more where that came from," he replied as he grabbed the keys and unlocked one cuff, leaving the other one on for later.

He got on the bed and laid on his back while Harley pounced on him again. He started unbuttoning his shirt as she kissed him. Their tongues intertwined as she reached lower to his crotch. As his shirt opened, she kissed all the way down his chest until she reached his dick.

She put it in her mouth and started hardening it again. The low moan he gave only enthused her to keep going. As his member stiffened, she licked the underside of his shaft. Harley sucked his balls as she jerked him off.

"You haven't lost your touch," he said.

She looked up and said, "Thanks, Puddin'."

"Now, how about you take a seat on Daddy's lap."

She smirked eagerly as she replied, "Yes, sir," before hovering over his cock.

She steadied herself by placing her hands on his chest as she slid down to the hilt. She rolled her hips into him as he gripped her thighs.

He looked into her eyes seductively and bit his lip. She responded by leaning over and kissing him on the lips.

"Now let me see that beautiful ass of yours," he said.

She giggled as she got off him and turned around. She lowered her ass and slid his dick inside her, letting out a shallow breath as she did.

He spanked her as she rode him harder. "That's it, honey! Ride it harder!"

She gripped his legs as she pounded her ass on his pelvis. She moaned louder as she felt another orgasm coming. He was also about to reach his climax.

"Here it comes," he shouted as he pushed her hips down on him. He came inside her again and she rolled her hips into him as he spent every last drop.

Her eyes rolled back in her head as she came soon after, biting her lip and groaning.

He left a pat on her ass once more before he pushed her off. "Now, let's get the other cuffs and set you up for our next activity." He went to grab the other set of handcuffs. "And I think you'll like this one."

"Wait!" she called out. She went to the floor and grabbed his jacket, slipping it on while trying to slide her wrist through the armhole with the cuff still linked to it. While she did, she looked back at the Joker's neutral expression.

"I just like wearin' it," she replied with a pout.

He rolled his eyes and shrugged. He didn't really have time to get nitpicky about something like that. Instead, he went to cuff her arms out to the wooden bed frame.

After that, she spread her legs and lifted her hips up for him. He grabbed a rubber chicken with some lube and shoved the chicken head into her asshole. She let out a low breath as she did.

"Now for the final ingredient…" The Joker pulled out a gun and loaded it in front of her.

"Is that what I think it's for?" she asked.

"That depends." He cocked the gun. "What do you think it's for?" he asked facetiously, baring both rows of teeth.

"That's pretty dangerous… and I like it!"

He walked over to her with the gun and more lube in hand. After lathering her already soaking pussy with the lube and slid the barrel inside her.

She knew he wouldn't pull the trigger (or she hoped), but something about it made her more excited about it. He was slow with his thrusts at first, drawing out the pleasure she felt while thumbing her clit. It wasn't long until he sped up, almost to the point that his finger might have slipped on the trigger. All part of the thrill for her.

"Faster, Daddy!"

Her arms writhed against the cuffs with metal clanging against the wood. The Joker even started thrusting the chicken in and out of her with the gun.

"Fuck…" she muttered under her breath.

Her moans grew louder as she felt another orgasm building up. This is like the fourth one, she thought.

The Joker enjoyed watching Harley squirm with pleasure as he shoved the gun into her. Of all forms of control that he had over her, he enjoyed this kind the most – much to his own surprise.

"Fuck me…" she moaned.

He responded by following her request. It was almost enough to finally push her over the edge. Her toes curled as her orgasm washed over her. As she came, he shoved the barrel further into her.

He pulled the chicken and the gun out of Harley. "You might wanna clean that thing out before ya use it again," she quipped.

Suddenly, one of his goons barged into the room. "Hey boss, there's an issue with –"

That was all he said before the Joker turned the gun on him and shot him a few times in the chest. The door slowly closed again as a loud thud was heard when the thug's body hit the floor. The Joker shrugged whimsically and replied, "Seems alright to me."

Harley laughed. "What if that was somethin' important?"

"If it isn't, they wouldn't be stupid enough to interrupt again." He unlocked the cuffs and let her stretch out. "I'll lock it just in case."

"No, leave it open. Honestly, I'd kinda like if one of those guys came in to enjoy the show."

His grin widened. "You cheeky little minx."

Harley chuckled again.

He got himself hard once again while hovering over her. "Well, how about one last little ride on the Harley for tonight."

She licked her lips as she spread her legs for him. "I'm all yours, Puddin'."

He slipped himself inside her as she wrapped her arms around his back. He started slow and sensually. He kissed her neck as he pressed his chest against hers. She let out a low moan as she wrapped her legs around him as well.

As much as she liked how adventurous he could be, Harley enjoyed the intimacy ever once in a while.

He started picking up his speed, letting the bed shake as he pounded into her. Their tongues intertwined further as she gripped his ass. He groaned in response, only arousing her further. Their lips broke off and she moaned loud enough for the rest of the base to hear. Something that aroused him further as well.

"I'm gonna cum..." she yelled.

He was about to as well, picking up his pace to match her.

They were pretty close. As soon as her orgasm hit her, her thighs pushed his body closer into hers. It didn't take long for him to cum inside her once more.

As they came down from their highs as their respective fluids mixed together, they looked into each other's eyes. The Joker gave Harley a gentle kiss on her nose.

"Happy Valentine's Day, darling," he whispered.

She smiled at him and held him in her embrace. "Thanks, Mistah J."

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone else who has read this enjoyed this bizarre little smut piece, feel free to comment. (I mean, even if you didn't, comment regardless. I enjoy getting some critique.) Still here hoping I haven't lost my touch with smut.


End file.
